PickUp lines from Stargate Command
by gothfeary
Summary: What do SGC personnel say to get dates anyway? Read to find out!
1. So it begins Page 1

**Title:** Pick-up lines from Stargate Command

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing!

**A/N:** I was reading "The Atlantis Handbook" by Cammy and I just started thinking... and me thinking about Stargate can only lead to insanity.  
(writing) indicates a reply or statement.

In an effort to alleviate the boredom of one of the routine base-wide lock downs, a list was started up on one of the bulletin boards in the mess by unknown personnel. No one ever took it down, they just kept adding... Pick-up lines from Stargate Command:

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**1)** "Are those pants from P38-989? Because you look out of this world!"

_(This line is not recommended, as that cute new nurse has one hell of a left hook! -O'Neill)_

**2)** "Have I died again? Because I think I see an angel."

_(Submitted by Dr. Frasier, on behalf of Dr. Jackson) _

_(Accepted by Dr. Frasier. Ha! Siler you owe me 20$- Ferretti)_

**3)** "Nope, I'm not a figment of you imagination, I'm all real."

_(Dr. McKay's' suggestion has been removed on Major Carter's orders, on the grounds that:_

_**a)** He is an ass, and _

_**b)** He is attached to Atlantis, not the SGC)_

**4)** "I've blown up suns that weren't as hot as you"

_(Nice try, Sir. I'm not gonna say it. -Carter)_

5) "I can do more than just stand here and look pretty"

_(Mitchell, you have no tact. -Carter)_

_(But it worked didn't it? - Cam)_

**6)** "Are you sure you don't have a little General in you? Want to?"

_(Daniel...I know where you live... -O'Neill)_

_(Yeah sure... -Daniel)  
_

**7)** "Is that your side arm or are you just happy to see me?"

(Oh, you're going to pay for that one Carter! -Jack)

**8)** "You really activate my iris."

_(Walter, was that you? -Carter)_

**9)** "Baby, you can dial my address anytime!"

_(Vala, you aren't SGC personnel, you can't write here. -Daniel)_

_(I don't remember you complaining before Daniel. -Vala)_

**10)** "Are you a Goa'uld? Because I can't get you out of my head!"

_(Teal'c?)_

_(Indeed)_

**_-End Page One-_**

**A/N 2:** Comment and review people! And feel free to make suggestions!


	2. Page 2

**Disclaimer**: I **_STILL_** own nothing!

**_-Page 2-_**

**11)** "You can use my staff weapon."

_(Teal'c that is disgusting! -J.O'Neill)_

**12)** "I'll help you ascend to another plane of existence."

_(Someone explain to me how ORLIN managed to write this? -Carter)_

_(Ask Danny-Boy. -Jack)_

**13)** "Your galaxy or mine?"

_(Ok, who told Thor about this thing! -Mitchell)_

_(That is just soooo wrong. -Cassie)_

_(Someone tell me why a MINOR is writing on this? -Hammond)_

((**A/N**: Special thanks to **LittleVala** for these next 3!))

**14)** "Did you just zat me? Or, was it your beauty that stunned me?"

_(Nice one Janet! -Sam)_

**15)** "Go out with me and I'll let you take command of my Stargate."

_(Who would have thought Kinsey could joke?)_

**16)** "I'll be your naquadah generator all night long."

_(I used this one, and it ACTUALLY worked! -Jonas)_

_(Wow, Jonas. Way to finally get a back bone! -Sam)_

**17)** "I lost my planets' address. Can I have yours?"

_(**CASSANDRA FRAISER!** When your mother sees this, you won't be leaving the house for a month!)_

_(Awww...Uncle Jack...)_

**18)** "General, I quit! So, wanna go out?"

_(Who put this one up? -Carter)_

_(I did. Wanna go out? -Jack)_

_(Jack didn't actually quit, right? Right? -Mitchell)_

**19)** "I have an artefact you can examine..."

_(VALA! Quit it! -Daniel)_

_(Make me. -Vala)_

**20)** "You know, in a parallel universe, I'm your boyfriend."

_(Not a chance in hell McKay. -Carter)_

_(Had to try. -Rodney)_

_**-End Page 2-**_

**A/N:** As always, review! And add to my insanity! Suggestions people, they inspire!


	3. page 3

**Disclaimer**: I, once again, **_STILL_** own nothing!

**A/N:** I **clearly** have too much time on my hands.

**_-Page 3-_**

**21**) "Can you show me how to use your staff weapon?"  
_(First day on Earth and Ishta comes through! -Ferretti) _

**22)** "Would you like to see where the command crystal goes?"

_(Good work Felger! -Cam) _

**23)** "Want me to make you see stars?"

_(How is it that Sheppard submitted one from across the universe? -Carter)_

_(I have no idea. -Walter) _

**24)** "How do you say "Your place or mine?" in Ancient?"

_(Jack, you have now successfully made everyone of my female staff blush. -Daniel)_

_(Sweet...) _

((**A/N**: This one is from **Shell Lee**. Nice work! When you make the author snort, you know you have talent!))

**25)** "You must have gone through the Stargate too many times. There are stars in your eyes."

_(Didn't Simmons use that one on me at that Generals' retirement party? -Carter)_

_(Yeah, and right in front of me! -Jack)_

_(Is he trying to get his ass kicked? -Daniel) _

**26)** "If we get infected with some wacky behaviour-changing virus, wanna meet in the change room?"

_(You jump your C.O. **ONCE** and your "team mates" never let you live it down! -Carter)_

_(Teal'c you are soooo dead once she finds you! -Jack) _

((**A/N**: Thanks to **MEPutney** for these next two! I think you just became my hero!))

**27)** "Please tell me your name is Dorothy 'cause with beauty like yours, I sure as **_HELL_** can't be in Kansas any more!"

_(Submitted by Janet Frasier, on behalf of O'Neill. Because, he was too busy with Carter to do it himself.)_

_(You would be too if you had a gorgeous blond in front of you! -O'Neill) _

**28)** "I was good enough for the Ori to have there baby, how about we have one together?"

_(Ori? Baby? Won't that make you just an incubator? -Janet)_

_(Love you Janet, and thank so much. -Daniel)_

_(HUMFF! -Vala)_

**29)** "Do regs count if we're out of the Galaxy?"

_(I already tried that excuse. Didn't work. -Jack)_

_(Damn...-Sheppard) _

**30)** "Are you an Ori? Because I would love to worship you all night."

_(Oh. My. God. Daniel that is too funny! -Sam)_

_(I know! -Daniel) _

**-End Page 3-**

**A/N 2**: I'm gonna be out of town for the next 3 weeks, but I'll keep writing these and post them when I'm back! Now that that's out of the way... you know what to do! Hit the button and make me smile!


	4. Page 4

**Disclaimer**:... Do I really have to repet myself again?

**A/N:** Twice in one day, aren't you all lucky? I just sat down to read my reviews before I went to bed, and poof! There they were, all ready to flow from my brain to your screen!

**_-Page 4-_**

**31)** "I don't have to be a Wraith to suck you dry"

_(Janet, you have a smutty mind! -Sam)_

_(... -Daniel)_

**32)** "I'll call you. Even if I die."

_(Shut up Danny! Every time you say the "D-word" you actually DO die! -Jack) _

**33)** "Any System Lord would definitely make you their queen."

_(Am I the only one creeped out that Ba'al took the time to pop by and write this? -Jack)_

_(-shudder- This is so wrong. -Cam)_

_(Ya' think? -Sam)_

**34)** "The NID aren't the only group that does their best work in the shadows."

_(This is **SUPPOST** to be the most secure base on Earth! How the hell did Mayborne get in here! -O'Neill)_

_(I have my ways Jack. -Harry)_

_(**SECURITY**!)_

**35)** "If you're a Tok'ra, does that mean you like having snakes in your mouth?"

_(Don't let Anise hear you Jack. -Daniel)_

_(I'll tell her you said it. -Jack)_

_(You wouldn't... -Daniel)_

_(Try me. -Jack)_

**36)** "Maybe it's just the recent electrocution, but I think we have a spark."

_(Siler, only you can make an accident into a pickup line. -Carter)_

**37)** "I just saved the world."

_(Direct as always Teal'c. -Janet)_

**38)** "Would you like to handle my side arm?"

_(O'Neill, I believe you have merely re-used #7. -Teal'c)_

_(I did not. I just took a time honoured military joke and changed it a teeny bit. -Jack)_

**39)** "I have a muscle cramp, could you help me work it out?"

_(Jonas, would you just get a room already! No one wants to see you making out with that nurse in the infirmary! -Sam)_

_(What? It was a real medical problem! -Jonas)_

_(Yeah, sure. And I'm the King of England. -Mitchell)_

_(Actually, you are. You pulled the sword from the stone. -Daniel)_

**40)** "You don't need that grenade... you've already blown me away."

_(Who would have thought Colonel Chekov would post here? -Hammond)_

**-End Page Four-**

**A/N 2:** You know what I want! Reviews are love!


	5. Page 5

Disclaimer: While you all weren't looking, I ran out and stole the rights to Stargate! Bwahahaha! Ok, so I'm lying through my teeth. You can't blame a girl for trying.

**A/N**: Just a reminder, this is set in season 9 and is as true to the series as I can make it. Except the whole "Janet is still alive thing." As far as I'm concerned, she died, Oma ascended her and she took human form again. Then, she decided to take a year off to spend with Cassie. Thus, we have Dr. Lam! ...And I'm babbling… How about we just move on to the reading part now?

By now, the SGC pickup lines are infamous across the galaxy. The first stops of the Tok'ra when visiting Earth is the bulletin board in the commissary. The Atlantis Expedition now receives an updated copy with every weekly check-in. They also reply. The President himself is now e-mailed every new line. The newest base commander, General Hank Landry often wonders how this got so out of hand.

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**_-Page 5-_**

**41)** "Want to hook up to my Stargate?"

_(This works really well on the female lad assistants! - Ford)_

((**A/N**: This one is by **Samandjackforever**. Thanks!))

**42)** "I think there's an ancient temple in my bed, want to check it out?"

_(VALA! Last warning! -Daniel)_

_(For what, a little fun? -Vala)_

_(It's never going to work, not now, not ever so give up! -Daniel)_

_(pouts -Vala)_

**43)** "I have all the energy of a teenager with the experience and knowledge of a General. Want to try out the combination?"

_(Yes! The Mini-me has proven his worthiness of the O'Neill name! -Jack)_

_(I'll show you what it means to be an O'Neill in pain if you don't shut up! -John O'Neill)_

_(Children, play nice. -Cam)_

**44)** "Would you like to find out what else the Ancient knowledge contained?"

_(Are you serious Jack? The anthropology department would love to...)_

_The rest of Dr. Jackson's' reply has been scribbled out._

**45)** "I come equipped with hyper-drive."

_(I do not envy the Daedalus female staff if this is the best Col. Cadwall can do. -Teal'c)_

_(I bet it will just get worse when he gets to Atlantis. -Sam)_

**46)** "My universe wants to be parallel to yours."

_(When did Carter#5 get a chance to write this? I thought they were all in our Carters' lab? -Jack... Ummm #1, I guess)_

_(You have to admit, for a Marine, she's pretty wacky. -Carter#11)_

_(At least she doesn't snort like Carter#7! -Daniel#2)_

**47)** "I just changed hosts. Want to try out my new body?"

_(Ok, Martouf from **ANY** reality is never allowed near this board again. -Sam)_

_(You cannot blame me for anything. It was Lantash. -Martouf)_

_(You were the one who thought of it. I merely posted it in an effort to participate in Tauri activities. -Lantash)_

_(Anybody else think it's weird for someone to answer themselves? -Cam)_

_(You get used to it. -Daniel)_

**48)** "I think you must have come into contact with a black hole. I'm being sucked into your eyes."

_(Lt. Hailey, you were supposed to be in a briefing with SG-23. -Sam)_

_(Hey! I went! I just needed a snack first! -Hailey)_

**49)** "If we play solider, I'll let you take command."

_(Elizabeth!)_

_(Two can play at this game Rodney! -Dr. Weir)_

**50)** "I would love to show you some of Earths' more popular recreational activities."

_(I have heard Major Sheppard use this line many times. What is its significance? -Teyla)_

_(Ummm... you should ask him yourself... -Rodney)__**-End Page Five-**_

**A/N 2:** I'll try to get one more page up before I leave tomorrow. Until then, hit the button like you always do!

**_Special thanks to:  
_LittleVala:** Thanks for all your suggestions! they really helped me think up new ones!  
**x-izzle-x:** You rock my socks with you praise!  
**Strawberry Cupcake:** I'm glad you like all my SG-1 stories!  
**Max designation X5-452:** You reviewed every chapter! Yay!  
**ChappaEyebrow:** You were my first reviewer! -hands you a cookie-  
**Natters:** People will think you're crazy if you don't stop the giggles at work. But on the bright side, they may give you paid mental leave!  
**Samandjackforever:** Way to help me with my Vala-bashing! (I really don't like her! Please don't hate me **LittleVala**!)  
**allaboutthegate:** Your fic "They Just Knew" was the inspiration for number 18! Thanks.  
**MEPutney:** You got me thinking of lines for the Tok'ra! #47 is all for you!

_-Love, Kat_


	6. Page 6

**Disclaimer:** If you don't know the drill by now...

**A/N**: -Cries- I had written almost 40 new lines while I was away, and my computer lost them all! I only managed to recover this page... so it may be awhile until I get a new page up...sorry!

**A/N 2**: I re-posted this page, as I had a few "oops" moments with my editing that I missed!

**-Page Six-**

**51)** "The world is about to be invaded. Wanna go see a movie after?"_(Walter, we do not get invaded or attacked THAT often. -Gen. Landry)_

_(What about last Tuesday, when Ba'al attacked? -Col. Carter)_

_(Or two Fridays past when the Human form Replicators attempted to infiltrate the SGC? -Teal'c)_

_(And according to Tok'ra intelligence the Retu are amassing an army. -Dr. Jackson)_

_(Ok, people. I get the point. -Landry)_

**52)** "My ship is the biggest in the fleet."

_(Was this one from Frey or Thor? -Daniel)_

_(I do believe it was Himendell. -Teal'c)_

**53)** "Would you like to play Doctor?"

_(Jesus Doc! Your father runs this base! You trying to get us men all killed? -Mitchell)_

_(No, just you. -Dr. Lam)_

**54)** "I have a Stargate in my basement, care to take a ride?"

_(... Carter that is beyond weird! -Jack)_

**55)** "Would you be interested in helping me solve my species' reproductive problems?"

_(Ok, now this is getting creepy. Thor clearly hangs out on Earth too much. -Jack)_

_(Hey, you were the one who took him fishing last week. -Cam)_

**56) **"Just because I no longer have a physical body does not mean I know nothing of servicing another."

_(That glowing ball of white light was an Ancient wasn't it? -Cam)_

_(I'm positive that was Oma Desala...-Daniel)_

_(This is one of the strange things I should be getting used to, huh? -Cam)_

_(Yeah. -Sam)_

**57)** "In Nature, all beings eventually pair off. Would you be interested in this activity?"

_(So, let me get this straight. The Nox snuck in; while invisible I might add, just to write a pick-up line? -Gen. Landry)_

_(Do we have to give you the "stranger things have happened" lecture again, sir? -Col. Carter)_

_(Hank, we travel through a big stone ring, that is kept 28 stories underground, to go to other planets. Everything about this place is weird. -Jack)_

**58) **"I have an alien disease that only your kiss can cure."

_(Daniel, please stop being so sappy with my mom! It's just gross! -Cassie)_

**59)** "Let me tell you something classified. The reason Earth keeps getting attacked is because they heard how beautiful you are."

**60)** "I came from across the galaxy to find you."

_(Sheppard, don't tell me that actually worked on Teyla. -O'Neill)_

_(Don't ask, don't tell, Sir. -Major Sheppard)_

_**-End Page Six-**_

**A/N 3:** You guys know what I want! Hit that nifty button and remind me what if feels like to get reviews!


	7. Page 7

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, not even a tiny bowl of blue jell-o.

**A/N:** This chapter is dedicated to **-Love-You-Always-And-Forever-,** who is my **_HERO!_** My computer, evil thing that it is, decided to mess around with my chapter on me when I was editing this story last week! And, like the dork I am, I didn't have a back-up copy anywhere on my hard drive! So, eveyone give her lots of praise for being my savior! And chocolate. Everyone like chocolate!

_**-Page 7-**_

**61)** "You only live once. So wanna go sky diving with me this weekend?"

_(Unless you're Daniel, then God only kows how many times you'll die! -Janet)_

_(Oh, come on! It's not like I do it on purpose! -Daniel)_

**62)** "What level of clearence do I need to get your phone number?"

_(Umm...Carson, who the hell would you be calling from the Peaguses galaxy? -John)_

_(That is not the point! -Carson)_

**63)** "Have you ever seen a sunrise with two suns?"

_(Cam, you know the radiation on P73-4X9 will kill you, right? -Sam)_

_(And hazmat suits would just ruin the mood! -Janet)_

**64)** "I have been in hell before, now I just need someone to take me to heaven."

_(Wow. Sam that is so sweet! -Cassie)_

_(Thank your 'Uncle Jack' for that one. -Sam)_

**65)** "An army of Jaffa couldn't keep me from your side."

_(You say that like an army of Jaffa is a problem Siler. -Cam)_

_(Well, maybe for other people. -Sam)_

_(We beat, what, two armies this month alone? -Daniel)_

_(I believe the count is three DanielJackson. -Teal'c)_

**66)** "I know this planet where the beaches go on forever. Your smile would make it a real paradise"

_(Jack, no one care how you convinced Sam to go to P99-3B5 for your honeymoon. -Daniel)_

_(Hey pass that address on to Atlantis. I gotta take Teyla somewhere nice for our anniversery! -John)_

**67)** "For you I would defy the laws of physics."

_(It's offical, the Tollen have no idea how to make jokes. -Hammond)_

_(You think we should tell them that Sam** does** defy the laws of physics? Weekly? -Daniel)_

**68)** "Let me get inside your head."

_(Heightmeyer, the is just...no. How about just no? -Rodney)_

**69)** "Do I need a GDO to get into you bed?"

A medical emergency was issued. Lt. Hailey broke an airmens' nose when he used this line.

**70)** "I have a debreifing at 0800 hours. Wanna help me out?"

_(VALA! For the last time! -Daniel)_

A second medical emergency has been declaired. Dr. Fraiser knocked Vala unconcious.

**_-End Page 7-_**

With a groan, Gen. Landry looked over the medical reports. This was going to be a long day...


	8. Page 8

Disclaimer: See **_EVERY_** chapter before this one!

See chapter before this one! 

A/N: This page is nothing but requested lines! Dedicated to:

**The Sithspawn**: You wanted Davis and the Ori? You got 'em!  
**TVsweetheart2**: This side arm is aimed at you!  
**Keegan Paige**: Normally I'm not a Sheppard/Weir shipper, but for you, I'll try!  
**ussshorty:** More Rodney/Sam, just for you!  
**allaboutthegate:** I'm about to go all out in a very AU way!  
**x-izzles-x:** I know it is WAY late, but here is Ronan, just for you!

****

-Page 8-

71) "The word of the Ori is not all I wish to spread..."

_(Ok, the idea that a Prior is hitting on anybody just makes me gag. -Ferretti)_

_(We really have some serious security issues here. -O'Neill)_

72) "If I took over the universe, would you be my queen?"

_(I am seriously creeped out by the Alternate Reality Apohis that is a Tok'ra. Anyone else? -Jack)_

_(Indeed, I do agree with you O'Neill. -Teal'c)_

_(Hey, at least he didn't say this to you! -Sam)_

_(On behalf of everyone on base...-shudder- -Janet)_

73) "Is there any way I could transfer from the Pentagon liaison, to your bedroom liaison?"

_(Major Davis came up with a pretty good one there... it might have worked if he wasn't hitting on Carter. -Cam)_

_(It is just a good thing O'Neill is a General now, otherwise he could have been court-martialled. -Dr. Lam)_

_(Yeah... but the black eye will fade in about two weeks. -Janet)_

74) "I think a greater military presence is needed in Atlantis. My bed is a very dangerous place"

_(**Oh.My.God.** John, tell me you didn't... not with Elizabeth... -Rodney)_

_(:maniacal laugh: -John)_

75) "Would you like to spend some...down time, together?"

_(No way in this or any other universe McKay, you little bug. -Carter)_

_(Oh come on! just one date? -Rodney)_

_(Touch my girl and die. -Jack)_

76) "I don't need enzymes; your kisses are addicting enough."

_(Great one Ronan! Another alien has joined us on the 'Dark Side' -John)_

_(I do not understand, are we not against evil beings? -Teyla)_

_(It's a 'Star Wars' thing. Get Teal'c to explain it. -Rodney)_

_(**BUT NOT HERE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO STAR WARS HERE!** -Jack)_

77) "Let me invade your galaxy."

_(Well, the Ori are clearly trying to mess with our heads. Must be getting desperate. -Jack)_

_(Kind of makes you wonder just what beings made of energy would do... -Janet)_

_(Doc. Your mind, it's in the gutter, might want to pick it up. -Jack)_

78) "Care to join me in my reality?"

_(We kept the Evil SG-1 around why? -Jack)_

_(I don't know, ask Carter. -Landry)_

79) "I need help servicing my side arm. Want to help a guy out?"

_(How we haven't gotten court-martialled for this list is beyond me. Especially after that one Jack! -Mitchell)_

_(Yeah... you gotta wonder about that. -Jack)_

80) "You know, it doesn't count if I'm from another reality."

_(So, once again, the base was broken into, this time using the quantum mirror? -Landry)_

_(Yes. It was Carter #13. Apparently her O'Neill is still in command of the SGC. -Sam)_

_(Oh god. I pity the alternate us-es... having to deal with Jack and Sam for 8 years was bad enough, but to be on year 10...Oh god! -Daniel)_

_(I do concur. -Teal'c)_

-End Page 8-

A/N: Ta-da! Next page or two will be nothing but submissions from people so far! Then one more page from just me...and we'll be done!  
_-tear-_

Ta-da! Next page or two will be nothing but submissions from people so far! Then one more page from just me...and we'll be done! 


	9. Page 9

Disclaimer: If you don't know it by now.

**A/N:** I just booked my full weekend pass to Gate-Con '07 in Vancouver, Canada! -Squee!-

****

-Page 9-

81) "Is your bed considered hostel territory?"

_(Careful, Lt. Hailey will kill you if you say this. -Sam)_

_(Ok, so scratch that plan. -Lt. Ford)_

82) "You know, the natives of P63-KJ8 might find your cloths offensive. I think you should take them off, just in case."

_(Daniel, I don't think it worked...- Cam)_

_(Oh well, we tried. I just hope Janet doesn't kill me later...-Daniel)_

(Thank you **BookWorm37** for this line)

**83)** "You know, I really think my ship needs plugged in to your battery. It'd do _WONDERS_ for my system"

_(**FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!** Thor has broken my brain! -Jack)_

84) "I feel you could benefit from further training with your staff. I will assist you in this matter."

_(Teyla! Down girl! John is not a piece of meat! -Weir)_

85) "So the SGC is apparently the only place in the universes where innate sex appeal is a job requirement?"

_(Score one for the Russian Team! -Jack)_

86) "Let me take you to my happy place."

_(Daniel, I was talking about not losing your temper... Now please wipe that stupid grin off your face! -Jack)_

_(But I like my 'handy work'...-Janet)_

Upon reading this, Cassandra Frasier ran screaming out of the mess. She is now having weekly sessions with Dr. McKenzie.

87) "It's been a good day. Care to make it better?"

_(What, getting the life sucked out of you is a bad thing? -John)_

_(Yes. And me not dying is good. Me going out with that cute new nurse is better. -Carson)_

(Thanks to **RazielLordOfSquirrels** for theses next three :)

**88)** "We can adapt to service all your needs."

_(The Replicators invaded the base to scribble on THIS? -Daniel)_

_(Shame they didn't leave a gate address... for a counter-strike, of course! -Vala)_

89) "Interstellar flight is not the only thing we have mastered."

_(Thor, stop beaming into the mess hall! I thought you guys were sterile anyway! -O'Neil)_

90) "Just because I do not have a body does not mean I know nothing about servicing one."

_(Okay, WHO LET ANUBIS IN? -Carter)_

_(I'm sure he could put that force field to some use... -Vala)_

_(VALA! -Daniel)_

-End Page 9-


	10. Page 10

Disclaimer: If you don't know it by_** now**_...  
**A/N:** I hate to say it, but this is the last page! _-tear-  
_Well, maybe not... it depends on if everyone here throws a riot if it ends... that and my inspiration doesn't die!  
**A/N 2:** Why the heck hasn't anyone reviewed that smallville/buffy one shot I wrote? Come on people!

If you don't know it by... I hate to say it, but this is the last page! Well, maybe not... it depends on if everyone here throws a riot if it ends... that and my inspiration doesn't die! Why the heck hasn't anyone reviewed that smallville/buffy one shot I wrote? Come on people! 

**_-Page 10- _**

91) "I would love to assist you in any studies of anatomy."

91)

_(Felgers' assistant Chloe wrote this? He's not going to last much longer against her, is he? -Sam)_

_(Nope. She and I just went shopping for THE shoes. -Janet)_

_(Ummm... dumb guy question here, but what are 'THE' shoes? -Cam)_

_(The one pair of shoes every women uses to snare a hard-to-get man... the red, 3-inch 'come-get-me' shoes. -Dr. Lam)_

_(I love those shoes...wonder if I can get Sam to wear them tonight...-Jack)_

**92)** "Could I have the address for you bedroom?"

_(VALA! FOR THE LAST FREAKING TIME, QUIT IT! -Daniel)_

_(Spoil sport. -Vala)_

**93)** "I can last longer than any super soldier."

_(Bra'tac...ewwwww! -Jack)_

**94)** "I think I may be a Goa'uld. Because every time I see you, my eyes light up."

_(Not funny Carter. Remember the thing with Jolinar? -Cam)_

_(You weren't even there! So shush! -Sam)_

**95)** "Let me make you see stars."

_(Nyan...it's taken you 6 years on Earth, but you're finally getting the hang of it! -Daniel)_

_(Thank you Dr. Jackson! -Nyan)_

**96)** "What's a girl like you doing on a planet like this?"

_(Jack, you know exactly what I was doing there! -Sam)_

_(Yeah the wrong thing, I was still fully clothed! -Jack)_

_(I take it this was the reason Sam was chasing Jack around the base with a Physics textbook whacking him up-side the head? -Cam)_

_(Yeah. -Daniel)_

97) "There is on other who posses more knowledge of 'worship' than the Jaffa."

_(Teal'c! Fercryinoutloud! -Jack)_

98) "I can solve any problem... including how to get you out of those cloths."

_(I swear, they probably heard that slap from that Priestess back on Earth! -John)_

_(I don't think we should let Rodney talk anymore. -Beckett)_

_(Hmmm... you could sew his mouth shut! -Ronan)_

99) "I can meet any power requirements you have."

_(Siler, you only wish. -Dr. Lam)_

100) "Just think of how advanced the Human race could become if we procreate."

_(Not going to happen Anise. -Daniel)_

_(Yeah. Janet will kick you ass if you touch him.-Cam)_

_(Hey! I'm not that violent! -Janet)_

_(Then why did you have a large needle in your hand when you wrote this? -Gen. Landry)_

-End Page 10-


	11. Page 11

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the silly statements... and Dr. Marie Brown, she is all mine!  
**A/N:** You asked for it!  
(I also don't know if I already used some of these, but its midnight, and I'm too tired to check! So if I have repeated myself, just tell me and I'll fix it later. Thanks! -Kat)

I own nothing except the silly statements... and Dr. Marie Brown, she is all mine! You asked for it!(I also don't know if I already used some of these, but its midnight, and I'm too tired to check! So if I have repeated myself, just tell me and I'll fix it later. Thanks! -Kat) 

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While everyone was distracted with "Things Not to do at the SGC", someone secretly slipped a new page up on the board across the room...

****

-Page 11-

101) "Let me make your eyes glow."

_(Sam! That is so far beyond wrong, its come right back AROUND to wrong! -Daniel)_

102) "My body is a temple. Now get down on your knees and pray."

_(... -Jack)_

_(Sam, I think you broke Jack. -Gen. Hammond)_

_(Then it worked. -Sam)_

103) "Wanna go fishing in my pond?"

_(Anyone else notice this has turned into a forum for Sam and Jack to tease each other? -Cam)_

_(Yeah... but it's funny to watch them blush when they read the others comment. -Daniel)_

_(Indeed. Col. Carter turns a most amusing shade of red. -Teal'c)_

104) "Want to test drive my ship?"

_(Oh god! Thor broke my brain! -Cassie)_

105) "Your kisses are more addicting than a sarcophagus."

_(Wow. These are just getting cheesier and cheesier. -Jacob)_

_(Your symbiote was the one that wrote that! -Jack)_

_(Hey, I just because I own the house doesn't mean I control it! -Jacob)_

106) "Doctor, I would love for you to confine me to my bed for days."

_(I can't believe Cam actually used that! -Siler)_

_(I'm just wondering what the General is going to do! -Walter)_

107) "I know the secrets of the Universe. Want me to show you?"

108) "Would you like a private tour of the SGC?"

_(Maj. Davis gave up on Carter I see. -Gen Landry)_

_(Yeah. He's been hitting on the new Japanese liaison -Daniel)_

_(Oh, the one that's taking me for sushi on Friday? -Cam)_

_(Stop gloating Cameron. -Sam)_

109) "Care to study mating rituals with me?"

_(Who would have thought Dr. Brown could be so perverted! -Jack)_

_(You did hear what Marie did to the rest of SG-3, right? -Cam)_

_(Oh God, was that funny! If only we could have gotten that on camera! -Feretti)_

110) "I need help working on my physical endurance."

_(Ok, who told The President this thing was back up? -Gen. O'Neill?)_

-End Page 11-  
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That's when everyone realised the insanity had spread...

**A/N 2:** I'm going to leave the status as-is, but as I find time/inspiration, I may add more. I know it kind of leaves you hanging like a bad season finale, but at least I leave you with hope! Oh, I also plan on going back and editing the whole thing over the week-end, so check back in on Monday and I'll have fixed the spelling, grammar, typos and all that jazz.

xoxo -Kat


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